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Filed under Uncategorized
Abandoned – I have felt so many times. Have you?
I have been left again today. Well, I was so sad to be left by my one and only beloved boy friend. He is not an ordinary boy friend. He’s not just like the other friends of mine. He is my special one. Always and forever will.
He asked me out. No. Not really. I don’t know. I just feel like I want to go out with him so much. So, I just made a plan and asked him out. My plan is that I want to treat him some KFC Xmeal or A&W. If he wants both also can. Special person always get the best from me. But, I don’t know. Last night his mood was just okay. Unfortunately and so suddenly, his mood changes dramatically since I don’t know when – unnoticeable, really. I know that he is a kind of an unpredictable person but today was just soooooo unpredicted! And I felt like a biggest loser ever!
I told him more than once last night that we are going to Jusco Bukit Indah tomorrow, which is today. I told him more than once because he said that he forgot about what I just said. I felt a little bit small-hearted but insist myself to just let it go because I don’t want to have any fight again with him. I hate when we fight over small matters. So, we both agreed to go out to Jusco Bukit Indah today. I just confirmed the time this morning. But he just said okay. So I just so excited and nervous like always knowing that I will be soon meeting my love.
But when I went into his car, I don’t know. There was an uneasy feeling in me. It’s not that he was the reason I felt so; maybe just the environment inside the car.
Let’s make it short.
We both don’t know the way to our destination. But he said he’ll just try and I just said okay. Unfortunately, we got a wrong way for the first time. So, he said “I don’t know the way. Let’s just go back.” I said nothing. Then he called I-don’t-know-who on his phone. I just listened. After a few minutes, we arrived Jusco. Sadly, he walked behind me from car to the entering door to the shoe shop to the kids shop to the phone shop, almost everywhere. Not almost. But everyhwere! He also said that he was tired and he did looked tired. It hurts so deep inside my heart. He held his phone and sms with I-don’t-know who. So, it makes me feel like crying. I decided to send him an sms and told him to go in separate ways. We’ll meet during meal.
He didn’t reply me. I went to the toilet and cry. I sent him another sms. He did replied. He asked me to just go have meal and go back home after eat. I just said “Okay, wait for me.” After a few seconds, he sent me new sms. “I suddenly don’t feel like eating. We’ll meet at the parking. I’ll wait you in the car.”
Did Jusco just fell onto me?
I don’t know what else to say.
I replied, “It’s okay. You go back first. I am going to meet a friend here.” Yes, it was a lie. That was how a biggest loser made a lie.
He did go back home and left me. Ha ha ha ha. That’s all I want to share here.
Anyway, I still loving you, dear. Will always love you.
Filed under Blog
Oh, finally my boy friend has his own blog.
Yes. Currently he is working with his blog. What is all the fuss with his blog eh all of a sudden? Ha ha. I don’t know. I am not so sure. Well, I am just too happy for him. I just hope that his blog will be good for me, for him, and for everyone in future.
Well, you know, I don’t talk much about what I’m going through here. This is just a place where I could only talk about secrets – my secrets. Even though telling those to all of you broke the secret in virtual, in reality it sits still, remember. Talk too much will caused pain, everyone. Pain that you could never ever imagine would harm your heart, your life so damn slowly that it hurts. I am talking about friendship, friend, yes, friends.
Sigh. Everything is so hard to define. Life is getting worst. Everything around me seems to fade away and vanish and disappear far away from me. I don’t know why. I never have reason for that.
Filed under Blog
Life has always being hard.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but mainly, yes it is to me. Life is getting so not in control right now with everything look miserable and so mess up, really. Bad thing that I never want it to ever appear in my life has just get past through me and hit me so hard that leave a great pain in my heart. I know that nobody ever want something bad, no, worst like this to ever exist in life. Never, you know. Ugh. I really don’t know what I should do. I have done what I think best to fix all my mistakes in my past. But, to be true, I still don’t feel satisfy. No. Not that I do not want to feel so. It’s just I could not feel satisfy. Yes, I am. Believe me.
Friends – have always been so very important to me ever since I know about life. ALWAYS. But somehow, I don’t know how, what, why, and where the mistakes were, everything, every single thing I do to cherish friendship never succeed. I don’t want to just take off my finger and point to my friends. Of course, not. Things that happened, the bad one, always first started from me, myself. Yes. I did bring small things become big. I said I don’t bother but I just did! I bothered! That is my problem!
I said, I claimed, I told, I talked, I swore – I hate myself now. And the person that I am going to be in the future just by looking and judging from my act for the past few days. Back then. It is a big fact that I am actually hating myself – and not my friends. I was totally wrong about putting the blame on all the people around me. I really hate my own self. Not for who I want to be. But for who I have been.
So, someone is now ignoring me for the best reason – betrayal. No. It is not really about betrayal because I never betrayed him. Ever. I love him. Everything about him. Especially how he cares about me, how he treated me, how he showed me love – just everything. He is not my special one my he is just someone that I love to call best friend. But I just could not mention about him, about how much I love and care for him to the public. To let everyone know. I don’t know why, but I just can’t. Because special person to my has always be in my heart – not to be shown.
But, unfortunately, I think he has giving me up. What else I could do? If it is best for him, then it is best for me. Besides, he just a friend of mine. We have nothing serious. So, he could just pick up anybody and show some love, or loose up on anybody and lose any trust on them. ANYBODY. I have no right to decide anything about him, about his life. So, in a nutshell, I am the one who need to just; Back Off!
I really pity myself for what had happened. Just happened. But, I need to learn from mistakes, right? Success will come to those who never give up. I want to be one of that ‘those’. I want to succeed in everything I do. So, what I have to do now is just wake up from falling, and clear all the mess, and start all over again. And the best and important thing is – SILENT.
P/S : Maybe they are trying to make me realize of all my mistakes. So, take it easy and just face it with patience and determination. InsyaAllah, I will win in this fight. =)
Filed under Blog
I love someone that love me too.
Yes. I am in love with someone that love me too. And it is driving me crazy. Haha. It’s funny to have someone that I love – so much since I never fell in love this deep; from the bottom of my heart. As I said before, I do have a blog under Blogger. Unfortunately, it is hard for me to make post about love, especially my love story. I don’t know why. Maybe because most of my friends read that blog – including the person that I love.
For me, my love story is very personal and I don’t think that it is nice to tell it publicly. And I don’t think the person that I love would be pleasure to know that I shared our love story with people around the world.
Eh. What should I call him in this virtual medium? Of course I don’t want to directly expose his name – real name. Ah. Let’s think of something that I like the most and best fit in him. …… (Thinking!) …..
Okay. I prefer to call him ‘Oligo’ because I kinda like Oligo drink. It tastes real good. Ah. Talking about Oligo, have you ever eat the new oat crackers from Munchy’s? It is awesome! I love it very much! The tastes is heaven! =)
That’s all for today. For those who accidentally read my blog, thank you! I really appreciate your visits here. Hope you all enjoy reading! Till then!
P / S : Happy Eid Adha!
Filed under Blog
I decided to have English. I hope it is a right decision.
I have launched this blog a year ago, if I’m not mistaken. But I don’t know why I don’t like WordPress like I like Blogger. Maybe because WordPress seems so professional and elegance. I prefer simple and easy so that I chose to use Blogger more and put my WordPress aside. But after read other professional blogs, I decided to get this one active. I have not decide what to put in yet, but soon I will.
So, I don’t really understand how this WordPress works. I’ll try to learn it and understand it so that I can post more here and share something with people all around the world. Isn’t sharing is caring? Haha. Everybody loves sharing!
That’s all for my first post here. I’ll be back with other post later.
